7 Year Itch
Yep. REAL TALK today you loves.......
Spring is soon approaching or if you are in Tulsa, Spring has sprung today. For me Spring usually comes with a feeling of rebirth. The flowers begin to bloom, grass turns green again, and love blossoms. I hesitated sharing these details of my life with you but then thought...Sam, this is what makes you an authentic blogger. My life is not perfect you all. F---it's far from perfect. Lately it's been a dang hot mess just like the inside of my bags....like that shit is sooooooo crazy in there. The other day I pulled a lipstick out of my bag to do a quick touch up in my favorite coffee shop corner...well a piece of gum was attached to it...like stuck to it. I then proceeded to grab a tissue and two tampons came flying with the little tissue package onto my neighbor's table. This is the kind of crap that happens to me everyday truth be told.
So with Spring coming and everything blossoming my relationship is on the brain. And I just sort of need to vent about something. Like after I write it down I can then just get it out there and move on! You know?
Daily Mail once said that if you have made it beyond your seventh year of marriage without developing itchy feet, you may breathe a sigh of relief.
But don’t relax too soon because ten years may mark the real danger point. (WTF)
According to the largest study of its kind, the Marilyn Monroe film, the Seven Year Itch, got it wrong.
Far from being at their most vulnerable after seven years, marriages at their rockiest after ten to 15 years. (WTF)
Lin and I hit a rocky patch a few weeks ago. I mean...rocky. We had our first REAL fight where I ended up locking myself in the bedroom and refused to talk for at least 24 hours. I truly envisioned myself grabbing a bag and hitting 75 South for Dallas to stay with my dad. I even questioned my move to Barcelona. It was bad you guys. Picture Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in The Break-Up.....or maybe it was more like the movie Blue Valentine where we witness the complete breakdown of the marriage between Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy (Michelle Williams) but the final scene just rips your heart out and sidearm pitches it right into the garbage disposal. After Dean shows up to Cindy’s work drunk and assaults her boss, getting her fired, the drama follows them back to Cindy’s father’s house. It is here where she tells him that she can’t do this anymore and he begs her to tell him how he should be to make things good again. Interspersed are scenes of them saying their vows and being officially wed while the dreamy pop of Grizzly Bear plays. Hmmmm except alcohol was not involved in my story. Okay , okay just picture the scene from Hotel Chevalier. The Darjeeling Limited. ( god, I love that movie) This whole relationship was so complicated and when Jack Whitman smashes the bottle of Voltaire No. 5 that his obviously troubled girlfriend snuck into his suitcase, he spends the entire trip checking her voicemail, and then finally writes a short story that encapsulates the finality of this meeting in a Paris hotel room. ....this is so Sam and Lin. We tend to both be dramatic.
Anyway...my neighbors probably were at least entertained. Yep...when I say bad, I am not over exaggerating here. And we live in a condo so everyone knows your business even if you want it to remain top secret.
Relax stalkers...as much as you rejoice in my pain and anguish...this story does indeed have a happy ending! (for those just tuning in..I have real life stalkers..two girls in fact, maybe 5)
Long story short, I broke my golden rule in never going to bed angry because honestly we just needed to breathe. We needed to rest. And in the morning we both apologized. I knew what I was apologizing for and wanted to ensure Lin knew also. Like just don't say you are sorry just to say it. I set some critical boundaries. He did too. And things have been much better. Boundaries are crucial in my opinion. I require a lot of personal space. I love my independence and when I feel too suffocated, I flip out. But Lin, he is the opposite. He loves spending time together, he loves solving problems, he needs that constant ego stroke so ladies and gentlemen..it's a compromise on both our parts. I could so be the girl in a long distance relationship and it wouldn't even bother me one bit. But I realize I need to meet my partner half way. I am damaged. I get it. I am impossible. But Lin is too. He is soooooo impossible. So we are just impossible together. Ha. My good friend says in Spain you will either lean on each other or you will kill each other.
Anyhow: I reached out to my social media community and they offered some great advice. I figured I cannot be the only one scratching that 7 year itch so I am sharing the wise words with you all. Check it out here.
My favorite coming from my friend Bonnie who is in the 15th year of her marriage.
-Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend than to break. Believe the best rather than the worst. People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them. Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindness you bestow on your friends. Please hand this down to your children. The more things change the more they are the same. -Jane Wells.
I so loved this from Bonnie and printed it out keeping it in my wallet.
My friend Brooke also reminded me that relationships are hard work. She says to breathe and consider what is important to you and what is just pride and protection! That really resognated with me so hard!
I am surrounded by some smart ladies !