Assured + Well
Last week my friend Kat told me about a fantastic workshop happening for local creatives taught by Katie O' Selvidge, Editor of Cottage Hill Mag. I looked it up and read that this would be a different kind of vision-setting experience for creative entrepreneurs that focus in what lies beneath all of our creative and business decisions. The goal would be to walk away working from a place of self-assurance, not approval: and because you understand, as in "for real" understand, the heart behind your work, you can pursue the big and the small dreams as well. I was somewhat reluctant but then thought what the heck do I have to lose? I want to meet other creatives. I have dying to personally see the host space for months. And I need to get out of my box and be okay with uncomfortable things, like getting outside my comfort zone. So, I signed up!
It brought back memories of school and I woke up nervous and giddy with excitement at the same time, but mostly complete utter nervousness and anxiety. The dress code says comfortable so I opt for a Love Shack Fancy maxi dress and a sequin blazer and orange platform heels. To me..being glam is comfort. My mother always taught me that you should be over-dressed then under-dressed and I have a motto...You never know when you will be photographed. I think the fear of the unknown can definitely take over and I had no idea what to expect and then on my drive, I find myself second guessing my attire. Driving into the gates of The Spain Ranch, I am almost instantly calmed down and just taken back by the beauty in nature. I find myself reminiscing about a fall/winter wedding and all of my guests coming to see Lin and I profess our love to one another. Ha! That's a whole other post and a whole different day. But seriously the ranch is gorgeous. I walk in and love the New England style charm. I love being surrounded by white walls and white furniture and white everything. Big surprise, I know...or maybe it is if you have not seen my home.
We did sooo much writing, to the point where my hands physically hurt from holding my pen. And even when you were stumped on what to write, you would just write I don't know, I don't know or I am hungry...whatever you had to do to just keep the writing happening. I think I struggled with this exercise once I went back. I was discussing my experience with my designer and vintage consignment business that I just closed June 1st, but then also writing about the new venture with being a full time blogger. And then just dissecting certain areas of my personal life too so everything is sorta molded together in my thoughts. I think the main take-a-way was that I have not really mourned the closing of SSC. I have not given myself any time to really bless and release that and fully engage in my current endeavors. One of the main things we worked through too was: What if your business closed down? What if everything you worked for had to close overnight? Just like that. Everything would be gone. There would be no trace of it on line, in your life, etc. And all of a sudden through the exercise I realized I would be happy. I am happy. Defining the tasks I had to do day to day that gave me joy vs the not so great feelings I had doing the things that I disliked in the day to day operations. So with that I discovered I actually did not really enjoy having a consignment endeavor as much as I thought I did. Having to do things differently, I would have never gone that route. I would have taken the personal capital and just curated my own inventory. But it was just so interesting too see everyone work through their own situations and when asked those same questions, the feelings were so opposite from mine. Obviously they would feel devastated, sad, angry, frustrated, lost because they are doing something that is truly their passion in life. But for me, I know I still need to mourn my past endeavor and work through some issues there and give myself some credit and not feel like I just wasted two years of my life. Because with that it's brings feelings of resent and that is not good for my beauty sleep or grey hair. (my hairdresser found a patch of grey hair last week)
In terms of blogging full time I worked through some things there too. I think the main obstacles that I face currently are the good old social media comparison, blogger comparison, heart-felt stories of mine that have low analytics, friends and family not reading my blog, and just simply finding the time to write. And it was so nice to be with other fellow bloggers who are working through the same obstacles. That was the most powerful part for me. There are days I feel so alone out here. But I am doing what I love and want to continue to inspire others through my stories. I already am working on the time issue and have set aside some "office hours" for writing on Tuesday mornings. Thanks for being my beautiful office Hodges Bend. And P.S...Thank you for serving lunch now!!! I am thrilled that I can now literally stay in this inspiring space all day long if I wish. And hey.... I even said F**K it and treated myself to a burger today (but I did take the bread off) and seriously attend this workshop fellow creatives. I know that you will get a lot out of it!
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